Thursday 17 March 2011

Layer Cake (of crap)

I'll give you 5 reasons Layer Cake is shit.


Its full of crap unecessary accents. Faaaakhing 'ell, laaawds a Cockney geezers are stereotyped as inept Delboy style wheeler-dealers. Terrible Essex accents for both fick slaag played by Sienna Miller and her tit of a boyfriend (Ben Whishaw). Generic Northern gangsters from Liverpool, generic Eastern European gangsters from er, Eastern Europe and top of the pile sits a generic posh London mob boss. Then there's sloany Daniel Bond, I mean Craig (I'll expand on this later).


Its unpleasingly easy to follow: So Daniel Craig is explaining to his mates what just happened, and up pop cut aways of what just happened, editied silently over him explaining what just happened. Eh? How stupid do they think the audience is? If Daniel Craig says 'so I called him and he was out with X'  we dont then need to see a shot of Daniel Craig calling him and seeing him being out with X.

Daniel Craig: I might be mean in saying this, as you can say an actor is only as good as the script he's given, but fuck is he wooden in this. The delivery of lines, the pensive looks, the furrowed brow, the dramatic movement...eugh. Plus its pretty obvious that he used this in his audition-reel for the James Bond role.

Casting: Daniel Craig ok; passable at best. Tom Hardy, he was invisible which I guess is good.. Ben Wishaw...talented Ben Whishaw? Whats he doing in this shit? Sienna Miller as an Essex tart? About as convincing as seeing her down Faces with the cast of The Only Way Is Essex on a Saturday night.
However, the icing on the cake has to be the casting of Professor Dumbledore himself as Don London. Michael Gambon, however accomplished an actor, must know he'll always be recognized as Dumbledore. THEY HAVE THE SAME VOICE!
Still, they also hired George Harris (Kinglsey Shacklebolt - Also Harry Potter alumni) so at least they can Obliviate the audience's memories after seeing them in such a shit film.

The Omission of Danny Dyer: I thought he was standard in shit like this? I missed his little face. 




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