The thing about The Happening is, well, nothing really happens.
Film starts, Marky Mark (sarky science teacher) and Zooey Deschanel (Zooey Deschanel) escape the city when an unknown toxin is released into the air causing everyone in contact with it to attempt suicide. MM and ZD get on their way and end up getting lumped with John Leguizamo's kid (he goes a bit mental and leaves it then goes a bit more mental and kills himself) and they somehow end up in a crazy old ladies house whilst trying to avoid the toxin. And thats it. Oh and then they somehow end up back at home with an adopted daughter and a pregnancy on the way at the end.
Deschanel for all her indie charisma is barely present even when the producers try to get their money's worth, inserting some weird storyline about her having 'teeramasooo' (her pronunciation, not mine) with a colleague. Her laserbeam eyes are perfect for watery close up emotional shots, but they were massively overused. I felt a bit misled by her presence after thinking 'oooh thats Zooey Deschanel, this'll be good'. Whalberg has a go at comedy, but he's not entirely convincing. Still, he's moderately engaging and likeable and you do (sort of) want him to guide his missus and the kid to safety.
Also on the 'massively overused' list were boring shots of trees blowing in the wind. The storyline emerges as plants (fucking plants!) are revealed as being the murderous culprits. Queue endless shots of trees blowing ominously in the wind with over dubbed whooshy noises (to signify the distribution of the toxin) to add to the tension. The plants, apparently angry at the human infection of the planet have created and distributed and then promptly stopped (exactly 24 hours later, those clever plants!) the evil poison in the North Eastern region of America.
You know what? The film was so boring that I'm sick of describing it. I have created this pie chart for you people who prefer graphical interpretation.
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